I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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