What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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