I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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