You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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