Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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