I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
