we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
