So drunk its hurt
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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