You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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