i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think my moral compass just broke
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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