That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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