i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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