He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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