first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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