if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
