I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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