just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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