Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
