what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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