I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
