Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
