I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
