the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize