Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
