we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
