He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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