Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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