my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
