how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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