"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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