I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
