Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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