you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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