its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
