are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
