ya dads aren't the best wingmen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
