well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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