i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
