He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can you bring me the toilet please
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
