You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
