last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
