He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
