The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
