Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
