Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
