i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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