and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
