I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
