wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
