The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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