i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
