Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
