in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
