I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
