ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
