I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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