Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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