just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize