oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
