They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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