yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
