in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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