i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
