Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
