My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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