Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
